Relating Requires Self Work
Recently in session a person I work with said ” It’s not meant to be hard, it should just happen naturally”. They were referring to relationships and it wasn’t the first time I have heard something along these lines from someone struggling with their relationship!
Chasing or running.. maybe both
Chasing something and running from something are often coming from deeply routed beliefs of value and worth.
As a coach often people come to me in the hope they can bypass the process, the feelings and just get the end result they want by chasing it and running after it with tunnel vision.
People are always doing their best
Through years of working with people from all sorts of backgrounds and even more years working on my own “stuff” I have (at times reluctantly) grown to believe we are all doing our best, in any given moment. Which means that others are also always doing their best.
Relationship boundaries : In a group work setting, we usually develop a set of boundaries called a group agreement. When we have these, it allows everyone in the group to feel held and hold each other in a way that creates safety.
Closed relationships are the mainstream style of relationship that we hear about. They are a very traditional way to love here in Ireland. However open relationships are also something experienced by many these days, even though they may not fit the status quo.
Sexual Entitlement in Relationships
Often when we become sexually intimate with someone we transfer the responsibility of our sexual satisfaction to the other. This is the basis to sexual entitlement. I am not sure if it comes from the way different society’s see relationships and sex. Perhaps its that most of us unconsciously tend to make other people responsible for our experiences within relationships such as our happiness or safety or self worth.
Myself, my partner book review
Who is this book for?
Myself, my partner is for anyone looking to develop a greater understanding of themselves and their behaviors in relationships.
A dysfunctional family role usually occurs in families where a situation looks something like …
- The needs of the family are greater than each individuals needs.
- There is crisis or difficulty and we focus on that rather than our needs.
- Where one persons experience becomes more important than another’s.
- People are focused on managing, survival and not well-being or recovery
- Where we get on with things but don’t understand ourselves or have insight
- People get caught in the drama triangle in their family of origin and then recreate it in other relationships.
Why do we choose this dysfunction and actively engage with it?
The drama triangle is a theory that was developed Stephen Karpman to explain a dynamic that occurs between people in some relationships.
The self-love myth is alive and real and even though I promote and practice Self-Love it often gets misunderstood!
We’ve all have heard the line “you can’t love someone else, until you love yourself”. We hear the words, but very rarely do people understand what it all means.
Relationship grief is a real thing, that is gutting and usually follows a break up!
It’s the thing we actively avoid and often stay in relationships past their expiry date because no one wants to feel loss. It’s instinctive in us to avoid loss.
17 things to do if your single this valentines, Single this valentines? Read this!
In a conversation this week with a guy friend he said “Woman get crazy desperate around Christmas and Valentines, it’s scary and off putting” I was shocked but then again not … Woman are always labelled as the relationship seekers and when seems like the best time to have a special someone during two of the most special relating holidays. The shocker was that this was coming from a guy who wanted love and a relationship. So I asked “why is it off putting, isn’t it what you want?” he replied: “yes but naturally, not forced”
The things you judge about others, are the things you feel most vulnerable about in your own life … ouch..
This hit a nerve with me when I first read it.. Why? Because part of judging another is about feeling better about yourself and this statement highlights your insecurities rather than the shortcomings of others, which we usually use judgement to hide from.
Anxiety relationships a Male accountants feedback – Anxiety had been a major factor in me seeking help through Sile coaching sessions. How it impacted my life and relationships. I wanted to seek change and be given the tools to make that change.
Emotionally unavailable you say?
It really is an important and misunderstood topic. Emotionally available is so much more than being emotional or frantic or passionate for that matter, its about an openness.
Is playing it safe, really safe? It’s so easy to resist discomfort and to play it safe. Safe sounds so inviting doesn’t it?
Safe is probably the biggest thing that holds us back AND causes us pain …
Safe is usually about us staying put where we know how things are and get the same results from the same actions again and again.