Relating Requires Self Work
Recently in session a person I work with said ” It’s not meant to be hard, it should just happen naturally”. They were referring to relationships and it wasn’t the first time I have heard something along these lines from someone struggling with their relationship!
Chasing or running.. maybe both
Chasing something and running from something are often coming from deeply routed beliefs of value and worth.
As a coach often people come to me in the hope they can bypass the process, the feelings and just get the end result they want by chasing it and running after it with tunnel vision.
Do you doubt yourself? Never know what the right thing to do is! You are not alone lots of people feel this, many of my clients feel it and I have experienced this in my own personal life too (during rocky times I still can).
Self compassion comes hardest to us when we need it most. When we have done something we are ashamed of, or fallen short off the mark we feel we need to meet, or have gone against are own values or aren’t who we thought we “should” be.
Mental Health Senior Cycle
The mental health of Senior Cycle and Leaving Certificate can impact the mental and emotional well-being of students dramatically.
Attempting to meet the expectations they have of themselves, from teachers and parents can all have an impact on their self-esteem and ability to manage stress effectively.
Sometimes To Do lists are crap
Often they are a big list of what others expect or want from us or what we think we should do rather than to benefit us to do.
I have to share this!! Its handy for anyone who gets anxious in social situations, never felt like they ‘fitted in’ or compares themselves to everyone else, Brené Brown has this Authenticity Manifesto that is POWERFUL!
TALK TO YOURSELF WITH LOVE
Brene does it again, compassion & love is incomplete if it doesn’t include yourself!!! Too many of us practice it with others but use our harsh inner voice to navigate our own inner dialog.
Let that go, breath a little & let things be a little less perfect than your inner critic is comfortable with.
Happiness doesn’t come from accomplishing everything or from criticising yourself.
It comes from loving self talk.
if you struggle at first, simply ask yourself would it be OK for me to say this to someone I love? If not … it’s not OK to say it to myself.
#blog #selfawareness #self #compassion #personaldevelopment
“Lying is about controlling someone else’s reality hoping that what they don’t know won’t hurt you” Neill Strauss
Honesty is more than just not lying though. It”s sharing our feelings, thoughts, experiences & authenticity!
In an accurate & vulnerable way rather than contrived, controlled or prescribed way.
It’s about showing what’s under our reactions, our masks, our defenses and truly allowing ourselves be seen in that moment.
To take the words from the comedy The Love Guru …. IN TO ME I SEE …. put that in relation to another & IN TO ME I SEE & that is what I share with you.
Not my ideal self, not my perceived self, not my pretty self but my authentic self compassionately as it unfolds.
ANGER IS HEALTHY
#Anger is healthy, it says to us to stop, check in with ourselves & see what’s going on underneath.
Anger isn’t bad, often when we don’t understand our anger or connect to it, we react to it in a destructive way, either imploding or exploding.
Anger is a sign post it’s time to look at how we feel and what we need in that moment … To develop awareness rather than work our anger out on others or ourselves.
Imploding looks like passive aggression, inner critic, self blame etc
Exploding looks like blaming, aggression, attacking etc.
At any point we can do either or both!
How we use anger is a choice, it can be destructive or productive … your relationship with anger is where that choice is made.
You start by acknowledging the anger, identifying the triggering event, reflecting on your feelings & asking yourself
Myself, my partner book review
Who is this book for?
Myself, my partner is for anyone looking to develop a greater understanding of themselves and their behaviors in relationships.
It’s not always easy to know what we want in life, relationships or careers when we struggle to know what we need.
To know what we need we have to start hearing the requests behind our emotions without drowning them out with shoulds, others needs, busyiness, blaming or being reactive.
A future after school thoughts for Dyslexia Awareness week 2016
Recently someone asked me what I watch on tv & I don’t really watch tv, couldn’t put my finger on why. Then I reflected …. The truth is I’d rather be doing things that benefit me like watching TED talks, upworthy, writing, researching, chatting, meditating, dancing, creating, listening to music , cooking & so on… Things that inform & nourish me.
I think most of us at some point have stepped back from our lives and asked ourselves what is this all about? What is my purpose?
I have been observing this a lot lately, maybe as a reflection of my own seeking and searching or maybe because people who seek this, look for coaching .. I can’t be sure.
A dysfunctional family role usually occurs in families where a situation looks something like …
- The needs of the family are greater than each individuals needs.
- There is crisis or difficulty and we focus on that rather than our needs.
- Where one persons experience becomes more important than another’s.
- People are focused on managing, survival and not well-being or recovery
- Where we get on with things but don’t understand ourselves or have insight
- People get caught in the drama triangle in their family of origin and then recreate it in other relationships.
Why do we choose this dysfunction and actively engage with it?
The drama triangle is a theory that was developed Stephen Karpman to explain a dynamic that occurs between people in some relationships.